Well, the farmer has started looking for a relief milker, and the way I hear it it would be a lot easier to find a unicorn. At least you would know what you were looking for: a white horse-type animal with a big horn growing out of its forehead.
A relief milker might be white, or might be any color, and might have a horn growing out of his/her head. Or might just as likely have a little hole in the head, where his/her brains fell out, because why else would anyone want to be a relief milker, since it's hard work and the pay is very minimal, and there is the added attraction of dealing with Boo the Winnebago and the Soprano family, although for all their faults the Sopranos do have excellent milk manners.
In fact that's just about all they have going for them. But anyway the hunt is on for a relief milker, so shout out if you find one and the farmer will be over to throw a rope around it and haul it off.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Calendar Arrives After All
Well much time has passed since the announcement of the winner of the Kid-of-the-Year contest and many of you have probably completely forgotten about it, but for those who still have one iota of interest, the 2008 Kid Calendar, starring Peanut the GlamourPuss, Big Orange, Boxcar Betty, Belle Pepper, Sammy and Leo, Bugsy and Stetson, and assorted other fun loving kids, is now available. It runs from April 2008 through May 2009.
We think all the bugs are out of it but we make no guarantees, representations, warranties, assertions or avowals in that regard.
So please don't complain if your calendar is printed upside down or something. Just accept our apologies in advance and make the best of it.
We think all the bugs are out of it but we make no guarantees, representations, warranties, assertions or avowals in that regard.
So please don't complain if your calendar is printed upside down or something. Just accept our apologies in advance and make the best of it.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Well it is funny how everything changes. And then nothing changes.
Clipper, aka Mussolini, went to a new home, leaving her sweet retiring twin Eo behind. As soon as Clipper was gone, Eo looked around and said to herself, hey, wait a minute, this pasture needs a new boss. So now Eo is Mussolini Jr., running the down below pasture with an iron fist. Okay, maybe a wooden fist; she could never be as ruthless as Clipper.
And while there is hardly any room at the top, there is always plenty of room at the bottom. Lucy and Xtra Joy the yearlings came down from the big barn to the mini pasture because they simply couldn't compete with the likes of Boo the Winnebago and Brandy and her LaMancha crime family, aka the Sopranos. They were big enough, but they were just too mild-mannered. Their attitude was, please take my food, what would I want it for?
So down they came, and Lucy has risen way up the mini pecking order. But Xtra Joy, who is about the sweetest goat here, only has Jammies to boss around. And even Jammies doesn't really listen to her. So yesterday Joy tried bossing some little babies around, and she didn't get much respect there either.
Even little BlueBelle went up on her hind legs against Xtra Joy. She only weighs about five pounds, but her attitude is a credit to the Baby Belle family.
BRING IT ON, BIG SISTER!
Of course she did run away after that, but discretion is the better part of valor.
But that brings me to the point which I had almost forgotten. Everything always changes but then when you look at it up close it turns out nothing really changed.
Or did it?
Clipper, aka Mussolini, went to a new home, leaving her sweet retiring twin Eo behind. As soon as Clipper was gone, Eo looked around and said to herself, hey, wait a minute, this pasture needs a new boss. So now Eo is Mussolini Jr., running the down below pasture with an iron fist. Okay, maybe a wooden fist; she could never be as ruthless as Clipper.
And while there is hardly any room at the top, there is always plenty of room at the bottom. Lucy and Xtra Joy the yearlings came down from the big barn to the mini pasture because they simply couldn't compete with the likes of Boo the Winnebago and Brandy and her LaMancha crime family, aka the Sopranos. They were big enough, but they were just too mild-mannered. Their attitude was, please take my food, what would I want it for?
So down they came, and Lucy has risen way up the mini pecking order. But Xtra Joy, who is about the sweetest goat here, only has Jammies to boss around. And even Jammies doesn't really listen to her. So yesterday Joy tried bossing some little babies around, and she didn't get much respect there either.
Even little BlueBelle went up on her hind legs against Xtra Joy. She only weighs about five pounds, but her attitude is a credit to the Baby Belle family.
BRING IT ON, BIG SISTER!
Of course she did run away after that, but discretion is the better part of valor.
But that brings me to the point which I had almost forgotten. Everything always changes but then when you look at it up close it turns out nothing really changed.
Or did it?
Saturday, March 08, 2008
The Young and The Witless
Well, the babies have been running amok and having a jamboree in the barn. Hannah Belle of course pays attention to her kids for about five minutes a day when she isn't having her nails done or testing fences and feedroom-door-locks around the farm. So her kids are pretty much latchkey kids anyway.
Scouty is mother of the year, but when the farmer turns her out for a couple of hours of herd time in the morning, she is glad to leave her four hungry kids behind, and they are happy to spend some time in daycare. And Mel's three little black bucks just go with the flow. So that makes ten babies in the jamboree, enough to find some trouble to get into.
It didn't take them long to discover that if they simply ran up the stairs they would find themselves in the hayloft where there are a lot of bales to jump on, assorted dusty furniture to decorate with little hoofprints, a cat to bother, and so on.
So ten of them raced up the stairs and scampered around. Then nine of them raced down and went on to other important projects.
Pretty soon a plaintive squalling issued from the hayloft: little HopScotch, being a boy and half-Nubian, was able to get up the stairs all right but couldn't get down. After a few minutes when he realized all his associates had disappeared, he began screaming to pass the time.
The farmer went up and showed him where the staircase was, but got exasperated when he still wouldn't come down.
Lori would have carried him down, but the farmer just said, "he'll have to figure it out himself," and went to feed the horses while Hoppity resumed his apocalyptic hollering.
All the babies continued playing, unmoved by Hoppity's end-of-the-world siren.
Except Harley.
Harley went to the bottom of the stairs and cocked his head sympathetically, listening to Hoppity. After a minute, he ran upstairs. As clear as day, Harley showed Hoppity how to go down the stairs. Then turned around at the bottom to see if Hoppity was following.
No.
Harley ran back up again - "look, Hoppity," - and then ran back down.
No use.
By this time the farmer was back. The farmer watched Harley do another fruitless stair-descending demonstration. The farmer gave up and went into the hayloft and carried Hoppity down.
Harley was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. They ran off together to play with the other eight.
Scouty is mother of the year, but when the farmer turns her out for a couple of hours of herd time in the morning, she is glad to leave her four hungry kids behind, and they are happy to spend some time in daycare. And Mel's three little black bucks just go with the flow. So that makes ten babies in the jamboree, enough to find some trouble to get into.
It didn't take them long to discover that if they simply ran up the stairs they would find themselves in the hayloft where there are a lot of bales to jump on, assorted dusty furniture to decorate with little hoofprints, a cat to bother, and so on.
So ten of them raced up the stairs and scampered around. Then nine of them raced down and went on to other important projects.
Pretty soon a plaintive squalling issued from the hayloft: little HopScotch, being a boy and half-Nubian, was able to get up the stairs all right but couldn't get down. After a few minutes when he realized all his associates had disappeared, he began screaming to pass the time.
The farmer went up and showed him where the staircase was, but got exasperated when he still wouldn't come down.
Lori would have carried him down, but the farmer just said, "he'll have to figure it out himself," and went to feed the horses while Hoppity resumed his apocalyptic hollering.
All the babies continued playing, unmoved by Hoppity's end-of-the-world siren.
Except Harley.
Harley went to the bottom of the stairs and cocked his head sympathetically, listening to Hoppity. After a minute, he ran upstairs. As clear as day, Harley showed Hoppity how to go down the stairs. Then turned around at the bottom to see if Hoppity was following.
No.
Harley ran back up again - "look, Hoppity," - and then ran back down.
No use.
By this time the farmer was back. The farmer watched Harley do another fruitless stair-descending demonstration. The farmer gave up and went into the hayloft and carried Hoppity down.
Harley was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. They ran off together to play with the other eight.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Peanut at Last
Well owing to several million snafus and tie-ups, the Peanut calendar was not finished until yesterday. And even now the proof hasn't arrived to be checked. But by this time next week, Peanut should make his debut as cover boy.
Many people of course do not buy calendars until April, why would they when nothing happens in the winter. Anyway, Peanut will be cover boy from April '08 until March '09, when he will be replaced by the next Goat Idol.
In other news, my daughter Hannah Belle has completely abandoned any hope of contending for Mother of the Year honors, reverting to her first freshener ways - dump the babies and off to gallivant around the farm. In fact, it looks like Scouty pretty much has Mother of the Year sewn up, even though there are many does left to kid.
Scouty's quads are fat, happy, confident and adorable. All because of Scouty's astonishing supply of milk and firm but gentle hand on the parental rudder.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Goats in the News
Hmm. This is an interesting story from Texas. Once or twice I have thought about getting married, but a day or so later I usually realize it is a ridiculous idea. Except for the gifts, of course.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
News From the Goat Hospital
Well, it was touch and go, and the farmer thought we might lose Tubster.
But the patients are stirring. First to recover was Big Orange, who is not a big complainer being a Zen Buddhist type of goat. But everyone has limits and Big Orange began murmuring in something like dismay when dinnertime came and went - AGAIN - without any grain.
Next to recover was Xie Xie, who takes to whining a little more naturally. "Where is all the food?" Xie Xie asked Big Orange, as if she would know.
Finally, tiny Spherical Tubster, the hardest hit of the yearlings, emerged from her stupor to begin complaining about the service she was getting in sick bay. Being three-quarters Nigerian, she knows her rights.
Is this all? Grass hay and a few leaves? Some sticks from a tree? Hello? Did you ever hear of death's door, which I am back from, and need some dinner?
HELLO? I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!!!!
THE REAL MANAGER, NOT YOU!!!!
But the patients are stirring. First to recover was Big Orange, who is not a big complainer being a Zen Buddhist type of goat. But everyone has limits and Big Orange began murmuring in something like dismay when dinnertime came and went - AGAIN - without any grain.
Next to recover was Xie Xie, who takes to whining a little more naturally. "Where is all the food?" Xie Xie asked Big Orange, as if she would know.
Finally, tiny Spherical Tubster, the hardest hit of the yearlings, emerged from her stupor to begin complaining about the service she was getting in sick bay. Being three-quarters Nigerian, she knows her rights.
Is this all? Grass hay and a few leaves? Some sticks from a tree? Hello? Did you ever hear of death's door, which I am back from, and need some dinner?
HELLO? I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!!!!
THE REAL MANAGER, NOT YOU!!!!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
The Other Shoe...
...has Dropped. Now there are three sick yearlings. Xie Xie, Big Orange, and Jules T. Jones (aka Tubster, aka mini-Me) are all quite sick. It appears we may have gotten some bad grain, since we just opened some new bags, but we still don't know for sure what is going on.
We are hoping for the best, and hoping no one else gets sick.
And in the meantime, to add insult to injury, ALL the grain has been taken away from EVERYBODY.
Poor Tubster is the sickest, then Xie Xie. Xie Xie has been barfing everywhere, which the farmer says is good, because it gets the bad things out. Ok, maybe. But it isn't pretty, that's for sure.
We are hoping for the best, and hoping no one else gets sick.
And in the meantime, to add insult to injury, ALL the grain has been taken away from EVERYBODY.
Poor Tubster is the sickest, then Xie Xie. Xie Xie has been barfing everywhere, which the farmer says is good, because it gets the bad things out. Ok, maybe. But it isn't pretty, that's for sure.
Advice for Getting Born
Hello. My name is Hopscotch, aka Wrusty Jr. I have some advice for getting born, if you are planning to do that.
My advice is: it isn't easy, but the best thing you can do is pick out a good mother, keep your head pointed downstream, and then just go with the flow. Don't fight it. And if it doesn't work out, try again next time.
Ok. Good luck.
Harley
This is my grandson Harley (aka Herron Hill's Harlequin Romance.)
The farmer thinks he is very pretty and may let him go as a buck if he goes to a nice farm.
He is BlueBelle and Filbert's big brother.
Cleo
This is one of Scouty's mini-Nubian daughters, lifting her landing flaps into place.
Her name is Cleo and she has a very pretty face.
Considering.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Babysitter Boy
Well believe it or not, Wendell has turned out to be a pretty good babysitter. He loves staring at baby goats and following them around. Once in a while when they get tired of their own company, they will play with him, and that makes his day. Today Filbert showed him how a wheelbarrow should be used.
He was also playing with BlueBelle, whom everyone has taken to calling Betty Jr., since she is the spitting image of Betty only prettier (if that's possible) and with wattles. The farmer says she is the prettiest Nigerian ever born here, which I guess could be true since I wasn't born here.
This year Captain January is paying us back - last year he had thirteen kids and eleven were girls. This year he has had six so far and only one girl. But the farmer says if they are all as pretty as BlueBelle it will be okay. That means there is a whole gang of happy-go-lucky little wethers hopping around the place.
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